Hang In There

Dear Stranger,

All those times, over the year
I’ve seen what you’ve gone through.
In all those times of utmost fear,
I’ve seen how you’ve fought too.

Every evening, as you step to the attic
You stare a bit far into the horizon.
Every time, I step into my attic
I search for your smiles; in hopes of liaison.

I've seen you burn those cigarettes down,
Occasionally getting drunk too.
I’ve heard you wail and swear in frown
Of reasons I’m unknown to.

And often I've caught you look at me
With glimpses that summon me;
Those eyes that seek of help and plea
To fix it all if may be.

But today was the worst I realized
As you drenched yourself in the rain.
I saw you cry; teared up those eyes,
I saw you giving in to the pain.

But dear stranger,

Did you see the shine of the sun back then?
Or the hues of the skies that spoke to you;
Those bright little rays despite the rain,
Of hopes and dreams that come true.

While there are fires burning in and around us.
Ending the world as we know it.
Let's fight against it consuming us.
Standing strong and hanging on, to every last bit.

Trust me,

We are all going through the same.
We’re all hurt in a way or two.
So it’s not fair to quit the game,
But live it all up, like champions do.

Voices of Her Ghost

Context: On the 2nd of November, a fateful accident took place in the state of Kerala, killing two beauty pageant winners and a friend. However, instead of mourning over the irreplaceable loss of those accomplished youngsters, who once made their families, cities, and the state proud, our people took it to social media, to morally harass the departed. They shamed them for being out that late with men, especially Ansi on religious grounds. They ridiculed their parents for their wrongful upbringing and pointed out how these youngsters set the wrong example for others to follow. Their loved ones were so hurt, it caused Ansi's mother to contemplate suicide, out of the fear of facing society's judgments. This poem was written out of my rage towards the ruthless society we live in. If her soul were to know what the society's been doing of her death, this is what she would've said.

Voices of Her Ghost

A hundred hours of silence, 
And I still haven't mourned myself,
Having lost a friend and a loved one too,
Waiting to be healed by time itself.

I may be clothed, but I feel naked,
Lying here helpless, as I laid there.
Staring at the world around me, afraid
Neither me nor mine they would spare.

You cleanse me with water,
Keep me covered in a linen shroud,
Then throw at me your filthy words,
Or an ominous silence, even more loud.

Some worried faces, some nonchalant nods,
Some advice from the old and wise.
An accident it was, or ill fate,
And yet, all your tongues called it a vice.

Those judging eyes; their glances.
I see death in your momentary stare.
They carry around like incense sticks,
The stench of shame, lingering in the air.

My parents for sure only did me good.
How dare you blame it on bad parenting?!
Remorseful and tired they might've been 
To believe and give into all this badgering.

I agree I should've been more cautious myself
Not of those men I knew, but of you,
Who have never met my acquaintance while I lived,
Yet reassure, everything about me you knew.

I now see the danger in you religious fanatics, 
And the world you've made for me,
Composed of a society led by flag bearers
Of male chauvinism and patriarchy.

A life I've spent making people happy and proud.
Tainted are those moments they'll now remember,
By the faced and the faceless, who'll bury me alone,
Leaving behind what you call disgrace, and I, slander.

The Journey of Writing a Poem ft. Synecdoche

Random Thought Process:

Sometimes in life you meet this special someone, with whom it just clicks. You're happy with them; you fall in love with them; you dream of a life with them. Now if you're lucky, you've found your soulmate and you'll live together, happily ever after. But sometimes, people change with time and turn out to be totally different versions of what they were. Their pretentious masks fall off and now you no longer recognize them. Break ups are hard anyway, but this is a little harder. You do eventually move on, but can you completely move away, leaving it all behind? Every strong relationship you share with someone, influences you, changes a part of you to be like them, and that stays like a memory forever.

The First Draft:

I first saw myself in you,
and felt a connection I feel with a few.
But you changed, as time flew,
and then I saw the real you.
The image you showed me first wasn't true.
You weren't the person I thought I knew.
I left when no more feelings or favors were due.
I eventually learnt to live without you.
But things had changed for me too;
for people say, in me they now see a part of you.

The Title:

Synecdoche | syn-ec-do-che
(n.) a figure of speech in which a part of something is used to represent the whole, or the whole represents a part.

The Final Poem:

Synecdoche

At first, I saw myself in you.
I felt a connect I feel for a few.
I saw you change, as time flew,
and realized this was the real you.
The image you portrayed at first wasn't true.
You were no longer the person I thought I knew.
I left with no feelings nor favors due;
eventually learning to live without you.
Alas! by then things had changed for me too -
for people say, now in me they see, a part of you.

She's Chosen Another

"Your thoughts keep whirling in my mind.
Your dreams shining in my eyes."
The words stuck at the tip of my pen
Cant force it on to paper

She's leaving me
She's leaving for good
She's chosen another.

They say there's light at the end of every tunnel
"I don't see where this tunnel ends.
Its only black, eternal darkness."

The stars have gone to sleep
The sunrise is nowhere near
"I just want to know when this night would end.
I fear it will never."

"I'm hit by the tidal waves of emotions and memories."
She's gone
She's gone for good
She's chosen another.

- written by Simon

P. S. He actually said that over the phone, while talking, just like that. This guy's got some talent!

SKYN

How I yearn for his fingers to touch me again...

His fingers caress my skin
as if searching for answers over my scars;
like they would fade away with his strokes;
like old memories would be replaced by those very moments.

He traces my curves, the spots, the marks
and everything else I’ve been told makes me look awful.
All the reasons given to me throughout life,
telling me why I don’t look pretty,
and how that makes me not worthy of being loved -
he finds them beautiful and I feel beautiful in his arms.
Just lying there naked,
knowing that this man doesn’t judge.
In those moments, we found comfort,
not in skyn, but in skin -
in our own, and with each other’s.

Sasha’s Seven Mis(Matches)

Just like the famous books, Susana’s Seven Husbands & Simon’s Seven Girlfriends (a book about dating, to be written by me, once his list reaches that number), this post tells the story of 7 prospective grooms I’ve met so far.

My basic understanding of the matrimonial business:

Here's how I explained the way marriages happen in our part of the world, to a German lady...

Arranged marriages in India, are very similar to real estate. You send pictures and details of your property (ward / child of marriageable age set by the society) to a broker and he finds you prospective buyers who are interested. Then you meet up; buyer sees property; if all goes well, you fix a price and close the deal. That would still sound sensible if the buyer was paying for it [not that I appreciate the idea, but it makes sense if its real estate] But no! In arranged marriages, you give away your daughter, and you also give away wealth (car, cash, apartment, gifts – idk what else) – now that just doesn’t make any sense. Moreover, that’s not even Islamic. They want a girl who wears a scarf, and they also ask for dowry. How dare they?!

Seeing my brother’s wedding be different than that, and hoping that mine would be similar to his, I decide to let my parents choose a groom for me. Not like I had another choice, but this sounds better. And thus began my partner hunt! Well, my parents and the brokers were doing that. All I had to do was go see the guy, if at all his profile was verified and passed by my mom, dad, brothers and in some cases even my best friend (now that's hard).

My description of an ideal guy:

You know, the answer I give to the usual questions by my aunts regarding what kind of a guy I wished to live with! So here goes my checklist

• Decent, amicable family
• Preferably a science grad.
• No MBA grad who’s taking care of his father’s business. It’s a different story if he’s working at his dad’s company as a salaried working class staff.
• Shouldn’t drink alcohol – tried while at college is acceptable
• Shouldn’t smoke – tried while at college is acceptable
• Should be religious – lets me wear my scarf, wakes me up for Fajr; asks me if I prayed; takes our kids to the mosque – types
• Respects women and / or chivalrous

Extra perks:

• Likes travelling
• Knows coding
• Can cook
• Sings better than me and / or plays a musical instrument
• Has a commitment to social welfare and the betterment of mankind
• Would like to try drugs with me… sometime in life… maybe…
• Can hold a conversation with me about math / higher IQ / robotics & AI / humans

Apart from that, I don’t care about the guy’s looks or how much he earns or where he lives or his dad’s bank balance or the size of his house! At the end of it all, we should be parting ways saying "glad we're now family" and not "it was great doing business with you." So here begins the list.

Guy #1: The Celebrity Handbag

The first guy I ever went to see had a very impressive profile. He’s a doctor with an MD, preparing for his DM. His father is also a reputed doctor, who’s also into politics. Both his parents come from big huge, well reputed families and I was told that his maternal grandfather was short listed to be the President of India.

Now this was definitely not the kind of people I wanted to live my life with. I wanted to live normal. Not with all the dressing up, attending so many formal events, pretending to be nice to people and always be reminded that you’re being watched. I wanted to be free; live simple and be genuinely happy with the people I live with.

Although my parents were all excited about it, they were a bit worried about his first engagement being called off – which I ignored coz that doesn’t define him. I was more bothered about him being a lot older than me and the thought, that why exactly would they be interested in me… So after a few weeks of persuasion, I gave in and decided to go see the guy and talk to him than to simply judge by his profile.

So we took a flight and went to meet the guy and his family. They seemed to be nice people. We all sat together at a meeting room in a hotel and spoke, and smiled, and spoke a little more. The guy and I were later escorted aside by my sis-in-law (accompanied by my baby nephew in his pram) to a table for 2.

We started off with our self-introductions. He asked me a few things and we were able to have decent conversations. All good. He’s a nice guy. Polite and interesting. Until he starts talking about the time his dad stood for elections at our place. Said he’s been there and went on to describe in great detail where each road in the locality leads to. I’m sitting there wondering ‘why is he talking to me about my town’s road map? How is this, in anyway related to our future together? Isn’t that what we’re here to discuss?’ Luckily, he stopped to take a sip of water. This was my chance to speak.

I had prepared beforehand, 5 standard questions to ask:

Q1) What do you wish to do in life? (Includes where he wishes to settle down)

Q2) What kind of a partner are you looking for?

Q3) Do you smoke?

Q4) Do you drink alcohol?

Q5) Do you believe in God?

I asked, and got pretty impressive responses. I was really happy to know that he was a lot into charity and social causes. Somewhere at the back of my head, I could see him as the guy who would support me when I say “let’s cancel the fancy car and help a few financially backward ladies get married with that money.” Ya, coz I really don’t see the point in buying a Merc for a guy who already drives an Audi. [Mom, dad, if you love ME, buy ME a Merc, in BAHRAIN, so that I can drive it around. Not to some random guy to drive to work, in the hope that he may take good care of me in the future. That’s dead investment!]

Anyway, so he seemed to be a nice guy; and I run out of questions; so he starts again. This time it was about his friends list; or more precisely, the list of his celebrity friends who would be attending the wedding. In my head, I go like, ‘ok... Who’s wedding are we talking about? Ours, you say? Do you mind getting married without me in the picture? Like seriously, when did this happen? Who are these people? How did I get here?’ So, I have this pretty decent, well educated, nice guy, sitting in front of me and bragging about the rich and famous people he knows. He has no idea that’s the kind of life I would hate living.

We then discussed hobbies and he asked me to sing, which I didn’t. But I did say he could have the link to my Sound Cloud page. (I know that was impolite) He likes movies too. He’s a Salman Khan fan, but I’ll overlook that. A while later, my sis-in-law comes back to remind us we’ve been talking for an hour and a half. So we quickly round it up and get back to our folks.

We then have dinner. He told his mom that he liked me. I told my mom that he was a nice guy and I was okay with it. He did somewhat fit into my checklist. Felt like this was the best I could get. Everybody loves everybody and it’s all set. His mom made me take off my glasses four times; took various pictures of me; said I looked like someone in their family and then went on to discuss wedding dates. We didn’t decide on anything, but the meeting ended on a happy note.

After they left, the broker comes to us (not me, only the elders) stating what they expect us to give them. They actually had a list of exactly what they wanted. Trust me, they would have got my house sold, to pay their bills. And here I was, thinking they’re all educated, civilized people, brought up in reputed families. I didn’t even wait for my parents to think about it or respond. I just called my mom to the side and told her this was not happening.

If it was in the Indian movies, that’s where it would have ended. But nope, Indian reality is a bit different. So they actually did think about it and really wanted this to happen. However, in a few days’ time, the broker told us that they found someone else who agreed to give them more than what they had asked for. I felt terribly sad. Nope, not for me, but for him. He really is a good hearted person, doing well for himself. But despite that, his parents had put him up on auction; highest bidder wins!

My parents were glad it didn’t work out for me, but felt guilty of having taken me to go meet this guy in the first place. To make up for it, they took me on a trip to Vayanad. That was totally worth it!

Guy #2: The Ex-boyfriend

Unable to find me a suitable guy, despite searching for a year; and realizing that I was really happy with my ex-boyfriend and that he can actually handle me, my parents finally agreed to my getting married to him. Now mind you, this suggestion from them came about 4 years after we broke up; 3 years after I realized there was no going back into that relationship; 2 years since I firmly decided that I no longer wish to marry him & a year after he moved on with a new girlfriend and we were happier being best friends. So that wasn’t really an option. And even if it was, “nope, I don’t want to marry him. I no longer have those ideas in my head. Please don’t ruin the wonderful friendship that I have with him. Thank you.”

Guy #3: The Confused Kid

Why did I go to meet this guy? Out of sheer curiosity. Before I came down to India this year, I was told about a guy who shared his name with my older brother and behaved more like my 2^nd brother. My brothers were pretty sure either of them would be disappointed with this guy. I reminded mom that I had never asked for a guy who was anything like any of my brothers. But anyway, I decided to go check this guy out myself.

Moreover, he was friends with a few of my maternal as well as paternal cousins. With a substantial list of mutual friends, I thought it would be easy to fit into each other’s lives and live together. Oh boy, was I wrong!? He doesn’t open the door or pull the chair out for his mom. He doesn’t even say ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ to the waiter. Chivalry – zero. This guy is nothing like my brother. My brother is Superman!

We sit across a table for 2 and talk face-to-face. He orders for a lime juice; doesn’t bother to ask me what I want. He starts his intro stating that he’s a very social and friendly guy with a lot of friends he often hangs out with. A few minutes into the convo…

Me: You live alone in here right – so do you know how to cook?

Him: <laughs> No, no… Actually my mom comes every weekend, cooks food for the whole week and stores it in the fridge. She loves me a lot. So I really hope you can cook. [Please note, my brother can cook]

Me: Well, I could do some basic cooking. So apart from that, what kind of a girl are you looking for?

Him: Someone like me – social, friendly and modern. Not some orthodox, homely type girl.

Me: And how many girls have you seen so far?

Him: Hmmm some 10 – 12

A while later ...

Me: What are your hobbies?

Him: I hang out with friends all the time. I like travelling; adventure sports…

Me: Cool. I’ve tried river rafting

Him: <stares at me in great surprise>

And that topic ended there. I can’t even hold a conversation with this guy coz he only talks about what he wants to talk. Doesn’t respond or comment or even nod to anything I say. It really was a viva voce!

10 mins later, I was so done with this guy; but we had to wait for his juice and I didn’t want to be impolite and just walk away. So the conversation went on…

Me: Do you wish to settle down in India or abroad?

Him: Of course not in India. I’m planning to go to the UK like <insert name of my cousin who’s passionate about being a doctor>, if I get through. But it’s really difficult and I’m too lazy to study that hard. I’m just done with the study part.

Me: Actually, even I am kind of done with the study part. Architecture is getting really hard for me to handle. So I’m not sure if I can complete my course. I’m still trying my best though.

Him: <smirks> But it’s definitely not as hard as MBBS with PG right?

Me: Ya, probably not that difficult. Ok, so if not UK? Do you have a back-up plan? [Seriously, why was I still talking to this guy?]

Him: If not there, then I would go to Qatar, coz my brother is there right. Or I’ll go to wherever he gets settled. So that I’ll have someone there.

Every few minutes, he keeps forgetting that we are there to discuss our lives and not to speak of others; and goes on mentioning a niece of mine, who he says he’s friends with (I highly doubt that). Said they hang out together and a lot of other nice things about her, hinting that she’s the kind of girl he expects to be with. Now let me tell you, she’s a confident, independent, doctor lady who’s a single parent of a wonderful boy, and has the next 10 years of her life planned out. Also, she wishes to move to the UK. She’s someone I look up to and this guy is wayyy off her league.

He finished slurping his juice and we went back to join our folks at a bigger table. Meanwhile, at the table, his mom had mentioned to my parents about some of the rich alliances he had got previously and how much dowry they were offering. So I guess my parents were done with these people just as soon as I was.

So it all ended well. He definitely wasn’t the one for me and I’m pretty sure I’m not the kind of girl he’s looking for. I have a list of people, telling me how awesome and strong I am, despite what I’ve been through and although I’ve ended up ruining a few things in life. I do not want this random person telling me, what I do is not worth the effort. I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life. Also, that kid really needs to get some clarity on what he really wants in life. Ya, I know people could be saying the same about me, but hey, I’m not objecting to it!

I was later informed that the guy felt I was over-smart.

Guy #4: Guy With The Perfect Family

Pre-requisites: Guy is a doctor, doing his PG. His father is a very famous doctor and his grandfather was an IAS officer. This proposal was earlier rejected by my mom coz the guy doesn’t look good. I didn’t even know about that. So when it came the second time, I was informed of it and I told mom I didn’t care about looks. So I didn’t even see his picture, and went to meet his family.

His parents were a lot like my parents. His siblings too were just like mine. They watch club football and play FIFA. Even his age difference with his siblings was the same as mine. Despite being very busy, his dad took out time for us, and showed us all around the city. We went out for lunch and I could really feel that I was a part of their family. Both families parted being very hopeful of this relationship working out.

The guy’s dad had taken my pictures while we were out and sent it to him. A week later, I was told that the guy saw my photograph, said that I was fat and wasn’t interested in meeting me. Well, I too am glad that I didn’t have to go talk to a guy who judge people based on looks. Happy Ending!

Guy #5: The Nice Guy

This time, our families met first and liked each other. I was told the guy and his sister would come home and meet me over the weekend. Alright, I was looking forward to that.

They came home for tea. We spoke. He was really polite, open, honest – really good guy. We had a few common interests; had some very different interests too. I felt good talking to him. Felt like he was livable with. Even his sis was really sweet and looked so pretty, that I really wished she got married into our family. They had tea, smiled, waved and left.

2 days later, the broker calls up my dad and asks if we had done proper research about the guy’s family; coz it turns out, his father, who was a union leader in his youth, had killed someone back then. The rest is history.

Guy #6: The Albatross

He’s the guy who came in with the glad tidings – or at least his parents did. A pair of really nice people, drove almost 400 km and came home just to see me, hoping I would be a match for their son in Philadelphia. The guy is a game developer. [Yesss, I could finally learn to code!] Smart guy, likes travelling, looks simple and unlike my mom, I didn’t care about his bald head – at least he didn’t try hiding it with a wig.

Now these people had waited for a week for me to return from Bahrain. And the morning they came, I got some absolutely wonderful news – my girlfriend’s brother had spoken for the first time after being in a coma for a week. They were lucky for me. They were simple people. This had to happen. I was getting all the good vibes. They were just like the albatross in S. L. Coleridge’s poem….. Alas! The captain had to kill it for no apparent reason.

Like all parents in general (except for my own), they too were super impressed by me and couldn’t wait to take me back home with them. I was asked for my number and told that their son would get in touch with me. I waited. Anticipated. And waited. And then got the news that he, for no particular reason, is not interested in this proposal. He didn’t even see my pic or talk to me (which I now think, was a good thing) before taking a decision. My mom thinks he probably has a girlfriend in the US. Let’s not spread rumors; but if that is true, then he should please talk to his parents about it at the earliest, without making them search for a girl, far and wide. Anyways, crazy guy shot the bird; bird died – the end!

Guy #7: The Blind Date

I had read a guy’s dad’s family details, a few days before. It was a long list of people involved in politics. I was told the guy’s job was also related to politics. Me, being someone who’s forever lived in a monarchy and was happy with that; having absolutely no interest in the democratic politics of my home country, had no interest in this guy either. My parents told me that they did their research well this time and it was a really good proposal. It seems the guy’s family is a lot like ours and we would fit in. They also told me he was a cousin of Guy #1 – now that wasn’t helping. But I was curious to know if this guy was any different.

Bugged with the nonsense of arranged marriages in India, where at first the guy’s and girl’s families have to like each other, then the guy’s family has to like the girl, the girl’s family should like the guy and then finally at the nth level, the girl gets to meet the guy; I retaliated. Told my parents that I was no longer interested in meeting the folks first. If guy likes girl and girl likes guy, then we involve the families. Luckily this time they agreed. They said if I was ready to meet him, he would fly down to come see me, and only if we liked each other, would they proceed. Sounded fair to me.

This time, I didn’t read about the guy, know his name or even see his photo. I simply agreed to go see him, so that I get a ride to the city. Also, coz I was promised whether or not things work out, we would have ice cream at the end of the day. So that’s how I went on my first blind date. Or I guess on blind dates you at least get to know the ASL before meeting up? And can you believe that my parents set it up?!!

On our way to see him, dad knocked the car into the bumper of an auto that tried to cut a roundabout, the wrong way. We lost the frame of a fog lamp. If I were to go by the signs, this was not going to be a good meeting. I already started calculating how much this guy was going to cost us.

We reached the hotel, waited at the lobby, met the broker and then saw the guy. He first spoke to my folks, which I overheard but couldn’t make head or tail of! And then I got to speak to him. He asked me to sit first. Spoke all casually, but in Malayalam – clean, proper Malayalam. He could any day pass for a politician. I gave him a heads up about not knowing anything about politics and he said that was ok. Five minutes into our conversation, I had forgotten whatever little I had previously known about him. All I could see was a pretty decent guy who was there to know me better.

We spoke for long about anything and everything. I was surprised at the ease with which I could converse with him. He was open, honest, friendly, and most importantly accepted me as I was and seemed supportive of whatever I wanted to do in life. I was having a good time, but we were often interrupted by his phone. ‘Dude, really? Phone call in between this? How important is that call? Is someone dying? We’re here to discuss our lives and our future together; nothing is more important than this!!’ But he apologized each time and explained himself. By the time he picked up his 3^rd phone call, I managed to convince myself that he was a really busy guy who loves his work and made time to come see me, because this was important to him. Now that felt good. By the time we finished talking, I was sure he would easily fit into the list. My friends would love him. But husband material? – not so sure coz he was nothing like my checklist. But again, when he asked if I had a checklist, I said no; probably because I did start liking this guy and didn’t bother about my definition.

We proceeded to have lunch. We were seated at a table for 4 and since we couldn’t sit beside each other, we had to sit across each other. Now that was a bit awkward for me – you know, the eye contact thing! We ordered food. He served my folks first, before serving himself, and saved a half of the last piece of paapad for me. Chivalry at its best so far! He had ordered fish and he ate it by hand. I loved this guy! He was at a 4 star hotel, seated right next to my father, eating fish with his hands – something I have wanted to do in all my life. He’s a normal, simple guy.

During lunch, he mentioned Guy#1, who’s wedding by the way, was happening on the very same day. It didn’t look like he knew I had met this cousin of his earlier. So after lunch, I did tell him and he was all cool with it. (not that it’s something to be bothered about, but still…) We spoke for a bit more while and ended things well. I told him and my folks that I liked him.

This guy made me realize things. He made me feel normal, like how I am with my friends. I could be myself with him and didn’t have to try to impress. He made me feel better about my brothers than I earlier did. Those guys really set good examples for me. He even made me doubt if my description of an ideal husband was even my type of guy to begin with. Coz he seemed to be my kind of guy! I was just hoping he liked me.

Although I still didn’t know his name [yeah, in the few hours that I got to spend with him, I forgot to ask] or have a proper idea as to what he did for a living, I was smiling like an idiot, all the way back home. I was so happy that I didn’t even notice we didn’t have the ice cream.

Alike all the crushes I’ve had in the last ten years, this too didn’t last for more than 24 hours. The next day, I went up to my parents and told them I wasn’t sure about this guy. Yes, I can hold a conversation with him and he’s perfect to make friends with and he understands me… but he seems too busy and I wasn’t sure of a few other things too. I asked my folks if I could meet him again and then decided to chat with him on Facebook. 

The more I spoke to this guy, the more understanding I felt he was. All doubts cleared, I still wasn’t fully sure. My brother had told me that if it's a maybe, it's a maybe, and a maybe is never a yes unless you are completely sure of it. Hence, I waited a little longer to be sure. By then he let us know that he liked me. So we decided to go meet his family, which turns out to be fab! They’re really nice people and as always, all parents love me. But this was different – I didn’t twitch while smiling [meaning I was genuinely happy] and automatically posed along for pictures. What’s even better was that it looked like I was already a part of their family.

Once I got back, I told the guy about my dilemma of him not fitting into the picture in my head. But by then I had also realized that I was falling in love with him, and nothing else mattered. I put it up on Facebook that I may add someone to the list soon. Everyone was happy about it. Most of all, I was happy about it.

Weddings don’t work with checklists, limitations or a rule book. It’s not about how well you can pretend to impress each other. It’s about how comfortable you are in your own skin while being with each other. The rest is just magic - you just happen to know at heart when God brings you your perfect match. Alhamdulillah!

P. S. My brothers are yet to meet the guy & my feet are yet to look pretty.

101 Reasons Why I Need a Girl on the List

Today is the 14th of March - a day I've been celebrating every year since 2007. Friendversary, anniversary, whatever name I may call it, it's the day I celebrate the very special bond I have with my best friend and recall all the beautiful memories we've shared. But today, it's going to be different. This post is not going to tell you about that guy being the best part of my life. Nay, you all have heard so much about him already. This post is to talk about the lady who's been the best part of my life.

Today, I'm celebrating so many years of being friends with Neenu Mary George, the only lady to have survived the 7 years' itch, being on the list. From her being a fuckin' narcissist and me being a selfless bitch, to us perfectly fitting in and actually tolerating each other for so long; from the first time I saw her and hated that there were no empty seats in the class except for the one beside me, to her being my rock and my star; it's been a wonderful journey (also read as 'roller coaster ride') we've taken together. So here's about a hundered of the million reasons why she's my special someone.

1) to get to call her GF without bothering the BF
2) to plan a stay over wearing pj's, baking cookies and watching movies all day
3) for rushing home whenever my mom called up during / after a panic attack
4) to complain about silly girls too bothered about makeup and fashion and the 50 shades of pink (we be talking 50 shades of grey instead)
5) to talk about reality
6) to be someone's strength
7) to gain strength
8) to be reminded how awesome I am
9) to have blind faith in me
10) to talk about fashion - only when necessary
11) to go shopping with (ONLY she is entitled to drag me along to the mall to do her shopping for more than 3 hrs and also its a 2 way private bridge)
12) to make me feel like I know fashion; she is the muse to the designer in me.
13) to talk about the hot guys working at fashion stores (you know, the perfectly groomed men in black at Zara & Massimo Dutti who should actually be modelling)
14) to go places with and to paint the whole town red
15) to cover up for me when I need to hang out with a guy (terms and conditions applied)
16) to plan a double date with, with the guys probably having to spend it with each other by the end
17) to get a biker's license just so that I can get a bike ride
18) to do all the talking for me - thank you!!
19) to hug in public without eyes rolling at us; to care the least when they do or even better, to give back the “yeah she's my lady” stare back
20) to get proposed to at public places, refer to point 19 for further details.
21) to be close enough to be asked if I am a lesbian / for my sexual orientation to be questioned.
22) to do my spa treatments at home
23) to get me cookies in my favourite flavours made specifically according to my diet plans - I have no idea how she does that
24) to drive crazy with when my mood isn't right and to drive crazy when it is too right
25) to trust me and be the first passenger in my car and remain shush about my first accident (we ain't partners in crime for nothing!)
26) to come home in the morning with a bar of Snickers and a can of Pepsi and tell me that everything would be alright, after I cried all night over a mess (did I mention I didn't open the door?)
27) to have that one yearly puff with - without being judged as a terrible smoker or be laughed at.
28) for knowingly supporting me when I say guys who make time, cook, flirt and do really romantic stuff for their women do exist for real, and I'm not asking for too much
29) to write a book, with me as a main character – to create “Chaos”
30) to show me that one's own happiness is what's most important - although I still haven't really learnt that
31) to tell me that I can take all the time I want in deciding who and when to marry
32) to let me know that whenever I do find the guy, she would whoop his sorry ass if he ever forgot how lucky he is
33) to remain single and give me company until then
34) to prove to each other's parents that we aren't the only ones
35) to talk about all the men, women and break ups in our lives
36) to have Coldstone and Krispy Kreme with (especially at the movies), despite being on a diet
37) for giving me company to do anything my parents wouldn’t let me do alone
38) to get permission from folks to hang out with or without others
39) to be the imaginary friend who accompanies me on a date
40) to be the specimen who I study to figure out what girls my age generally do and how and why they do it
41) to live out the amazingly extraordinary life that I only do in my dreams
42) to fly and come tell me about all that she saw and did
43) to introduce to the whole family and prove to them that I actually have a girlfriend
44) to bitch about the people I don’t like - now no guy wants to sit and listen to that
45) to listen to my songs and honestly tell me that it's sung without any feelings
46) to award my song with the greatest honor of being her phone's ringtone; despite her having professional singers and composers for friends
47) to walk out of my car, when pissed off, even while it's moving (I’m sorry that happened coz of me)
48) to walk back into my car, another day, as if nothing ever happened - no guy's ever gonna be welcomed back into my car after doing that
49) to teach me a few bad words to use in case of emergencies and a particular few in case of dire emergencies (see, just because I can't tolerate swears and don't use them, doesn't mean I don't know them)
50) to help me translate bad words in whatever language I know to English
51) to freak out the guy at Club Mahindra, convincing him that we're a couple and a swinging one at that
52) to inspire me to start gyming
53) to never compare me with another girl
54) to introduce me and provide a lifetime's supply of Bhojpuri songs
55) to sing with me, the lyrics of some of the most poetic malayalam songs
56) to go back to school with - our happy place
57) to win all the competitions for my house (she's my star)
58) to write so differently and yet love each other's writing
59) to discuss our brothers' gfs / crushes; and even grade their love letters – we the grammar Nazis
60) to call up my boyfriend, while he's at my house, and ask him to come talk to me, in a situation where I couldn’t (it's a long story)
61) to dance with me at the mall just close to midnight and at the cineplex, as our version of post-credits
62) to listen to all the philosophy I speak when high
63) to live equally screwed up lives - more or less
64) to keep blocking and unblocking me on whatsapp and facebook – the guys don’t do that
65) to copy and match profile pictures
66) to say that my love story is a great one and worthy of being written about
67) to get me the perfect, textured, little black book for my collection
68) to bake me whatever whenever
69) to share the table at my first craft sale
70) to forgive me and reconcile when I royally screwed up our relationship in public
71) to be the English Nazi making my words sound…..nicer? Ya, I'm still working on my vocab
72) to end up lost with me in random places in Bahrain & even Saudi!
73) to play giant sized snakes & ladders with me at the National Library (yeah, adults generally don't do that)
74) to dress me up and celebrate my ex-bf's birthday just so that I would smile again
75) to make me the most pretty looking lady fighting suicidal depression. Going upto my shrink and saying, "Doc, is my lipstick smudged?" was simply epic!
76) for thinking of hiding me in the boot of the car, to make sure I wouldnt get raped, in a hypothetical situation! - yes darling, it's the thought that counts (sorry Allan, she would save me over you anyday)
77) for being there for me at times when even my family didn't care
78) to make plans of living together with - that was a simply perfect plan (too good to be true I guess)
79) to convince me that the Japan guy isn't all that great and I deserve better
80) for rejecting a well deserving job offer, just coz I didn't get my interview call by then. I really don't know what to say to that; but I'm sure no guy would ever do that for me.
81) for continuing to believe in me and keep telling me that I'm brilliantly talented, even when I dropped out of college not knowing what to do in life
82) to promise me that we'll be looked up at some day and its going to be "us" and not just her. I really believe in her efforts, much more than I believe in myself.
83) for telling me the the only minus point is that I was born with a diamond studded gold spoon in my mouth
84) for giving me a detailed, honest analysis of my character and letting me know "what's my version of me?", when I finally got back to normalcy (I couldn't trust anybody else to give me that with such clarity)
85) to listen to my well written, terribly recited, Malayalam poetry, when I'm high
86) to have our own definition of "forever" - 'until Trump marries Michelle Obama'
87) to finish off the 100ml of alcohol that I sneaked into school, coz I ended up spitting out the very first sip I tasted (seriously, why do people drink that thing?)
88) to get me closure in my last [read as 'only'] relationship (although I hate(d) her for speaking for me without consent, it turned out to be for good in the long run)
89) to tell me, prove to me and make me realize I deserve better, every single time
90) to be my voice in socially awkward [read as 'all'] situations in the last 4 years
91) to be Monica (OCD, independent, world’s best chef, worked really hard to get that thin and wants to keep it that way, etc) to my Chandler (socially awkward, sarcastic, one single annoying yet recurring relationship / forever single, romantic otherwise, messed up childhood) – literally!
92) for showing me that I could actually fit into someone else’s [her] family
93) for telling me that I’m the best motivational speaker ever [Simon may beg to differ]; despite the fact that I did it only during that one phase in life. Hearing that from Bahrain’s best speaker – priceless!
94) to watch Padmavat – first day, first show, just to see a Rajput get imprisoned, stabbed and killed. We could spend the entire three hours just watching those scenes on loop! Oh and we took our moms too to share the moment.
95) to talk while working so that it’s productive (Oh no, we don’t talk to each other, we just sit together and talk to ourselves)
96) for instilling in me the fact that nothing is more important than my self-respect and self-esteem (Yes, I know there’s still a lot more to work on that)
97) for turning her head to the car next to mine and smiling to make way for me (Nope, can’t use a guy’s face for that - tried and tested)
98) for telling a guy that I'm better than him in bed
99) for fighting like crazy for the silliest or sometimes the most emotionally wrecking, soul crushing reasons; and then getting back together just coz we’re meant to be!
100) for saving my number as ‘Miss Mine’ and ‘Bitch Please’ and ‘Wifey’ and everything else possible, on her phone (My name in her contact list changes more often than my profile picture, anywhere!)
101) to be the only person worthy of actually going on my knees for.

Now there’ll be some 2 things on this list that offended her. She’ll forget about the other 99, cling onto those 2, stop talking to me and wouldn’t even tell me what I did wrong. But again, a few weeks later, she’ll get back to me, tell me what happened – maybe, or just start from where we left off, as if none of this ever happened; coz at the end of the day, we’re meant to be together. The relationship we share is so special that we only have each other that way. Irreplaceable.

P. S. And for the record, a million guys would go on their knees for her but she would only go down for me.💍She would get me flowers, take me out on dates, do all those very romantic little things to make me feel super special... not that I haven't had guys doing that for me, but not one person has done it all. She's given me my fairytale. Cheers to so many more years of togetherness!